Music's no good without you
by Misura
Summary: Schuldich finds himself missing Ken now that they split up. [Schuldich/Ken][songfic]
1. Part 1

Music's no good (without you)

Warnings/notes : Schuldich/Ken, songfic, slight fluff, first pov shifts after each songfragment

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz. the song 'The music's no good without you' belongs to Cher. lyrics slightly altered.

written at 14th april 2003, by Misura. part 1 of 3 [?]

**********

__

//The music's no good without you baby, 

The music's no good at all,// [Ken]

I don't know why I came here tonight, to this place I only went with you. I feel nothing of the attraction it held for you ; can see nothing of the beauty you swore to me it possessed.

You asked me to come along with you, wanting me to share your world. That's the only reason I agreed to it ; because you asked me. I was never able to deny you anything.

Not even when you said you wanted to leave me.

__

//The music's no good without you baby, 

Come back to me. // [Schuldich]

Everything's the same as always, like nothing ever changes in this place of lights and music. Most of the faces that greet me have been here as long as I can remember. The music may be a bit different than three years ago, the drinks served may wear other names, but the basics remain unchanged. Familiar. Comforting. Or so it should have been.

No one seems to wonder at the fact that I am alone, that you're no longer with me. It's like the night at which I took you with me, to introduce you to them never happened.

Maybe I should read their minds to see if they truely don't recall the lovely brunet that walked in here at my side once. I'd prefer not to however. 

In part because I never did so before, respecting their privacy. And in part because I don't want to know how they had seen this coming, how they knew all along we wouldn't last.

__

//Everyone was watching, 

You were the freakiest thing on show.// [Ken] 

I remember the first time we met in a place not so different from this one. It was on a mission of course. I was supposed to keep watch of a certain door, when you made your entrance.

Normal people like me don't do that ; we simply 'enter' or 'walk in'. Not you though.

*flashback*

__

He's even worse than Yohji, Ken thought in disgust as he saw the german striding in, drawing all eyes to his little-revealing clothing. _I don't know why everyone's staring at him like he's some sort of star ; he isn't _that_ pretty._

: No? Then why are you drooling Kenken? :

__

I'm not drooling! Ken blushed brightly. 

__

: Ah, but you are _staring at me. Like what you see? :_ Schuldich winked, somehow making it a very private and personal gesture even if they were separated by at least a dozen people. 

__

Arrogant bastard! Ken thought darkly, hearing Schuldich laugh in reply.

*end flashback*

__

//There's a lingual crystal hall, 

They only love to watch it glow. // [Schuldich]

You were never at ease in places like this. Claiming the music hurt your ears, as the lights hurt your eyes. For me though, for me you visited them. And for Weiss.

I will never forget that first night.

*flashback*

Schuldich had not come there that night to seduce someone. He was here to have fun, to relax and maybe that would include waking up in someone else's bed the next morning, who cared?

As long as he enjoyed himself and didn't have to do anything for it, it was fine with him. Until he noticed Ken, that was. Something in the boy pulled at him, made him want to get closer.

Schuldich liked to play games, any kind of games and his favorite one was the game of love. Though to speak of love would be a lie ; he had never felt more than a passing affection for those he had played this game with before. It certainly wasn't love that made him set out to seduce Ken. The love came later, making him stay.

Making him return again and again until he discovered he was in love some day.

And decided to stop returning. Because he couldn't accept a weakness like that to hold him down, couldn't afford to care for anyone but himself.

*end flashback*

__

//You were the center of attention, 

The eye of the storm,// [Ken]

With you it was different. When I was with you, the noise didn't bother me. I hardly heard it. All I felt was the rhythm that made your frame sway so elegantly, so naturally like you were part of it. 

Your body moved mine, trying to make me feel what you experienced on the dancefloor ; the euphorism of being one with the music. I never felt it. All I could feel was you.

Your arms around me, your body pressed to mine ... how could expect me to have any attention left to pay to other things? 

I disappointed you, didn't I? You were so different from everyone I ever met ; I never should have hoped for more than a one-night stand, a kiss in passing.

You entered my life like a whirlwind, sweeping me off my feet until I no longer knew up from down, or light from dark. I ought to be grateful you didn't take advantage of my weakness, that you only broke my heart when you left me.

__

//Whirlwind from outerspace,

Like a twister on the soon.// [Schuldich] 

You were unique, without an equal. Your innocence, your naivety, your energy ... they all made you special to me. My world was a dull, ugly place and you brought back the sun.

I don't think you even considered yourself pretty. You reacted with incredulity as I told you how beautiful you were. You blushed a lot too. About the smallest things.

You were like a sparkling, strong wine that went straight to the head. Time spent with you seemed to fly, while I counted the minutes to our next meeting. Too less of the first, too many of the second ... not important anymore.

You're gone and only now that it's too late I discover there's no one able to replace you.

__

//The music's no good without you baby, 

The music's no good at all,// [Ken]

I try to dance on my own but I can tell it's no good. The few people looking in my direction must be thinking this is my first time here. I feel bodies pressing to mine. I don't like that.

I didn't mind it when you did it, but I don't even know these people. I try to back off, create some personal space, even if this place is crammed with people.

Why don't I just leave? I don't belong here.

__

//The music's no good without you baby, 

Come back to me.// [Schuldich] 

Surrounded by strangers, I feel oddly comforted in my loneliness. There must be many people here who made a mistake like mine, who didn't recognize what they had before they lost it.

It's easy to pretend we're all friends here. Friends for one night. 

Like we were lovers for three months. Without ever really knowing eachother.

~tbc~


	2. Part 2

Music's no good (without you)

Warnings/notes : Schuldich/Ken, songfic, slight fluff, first pov shifts after each songfragment

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz. the song 'The music's no good without you' belongs to Cher. lyrics slightly altered.

written at 14th april 2003, by Misura. part 2 of 3 [?]

**********

_//There's no rise then when we dance, _

_Cause you sparkle next to me,// _[Ken]

Sometimes, when I danced with you I could almost feel it. Like your beauty was rubbing off on me, making me shine too. You always told me I was pretty. I know you said it just to cheer me up but it was sweet to hear nonetheless.

You whispered so many sweet lies in my ears, why did I believe them all?

Because I was a fool. No one had been that way about me before. I should have known.

I try to imagine you're here, holding me. Rocking my body with yours. If only I could have been what you wanted me to be ... why do I bother trying to learn now? It's too late.

All I can do is pretend. And you know how bad I am at lying.

_//With little up the razor's edge, _

_But I was crazy to be free. // _[Schuldich]

Suddenly hating myself for what I'm doing, I slowly disentangle myself from the crowd. They are not you, will never be you and, quite likely, have never been like you either.

That's when I notice you. In a corner, all by yourself you try to dance. Try to, yes, because you're not really dancing ; you're trying to find a rhythm without succeeding.

It's my fault, really. I taught you to dance but I was a selfish teacher. I taught you only how to dance with me, not on your own. 

I thought you would always be mine, never considering that that would also mean I always would be yours. How could I have been too blind to see that?

How could I have been so blind to let you go?

_//I can't dance till you come back, _

_And we'll dance that close again.// _[Ken] 

I feel tears springing to my eyes. Out of frustration at not getting my movements right. Or so I would like to tell myself, even if it sounds childish to cry because you can't do something.

I couldn't keep you with me. I couldn't be that person you had been looking for for so long.

*flashback*

"Did you ever feel like you are looking for someone? Someone to fill that empty place in your heart, to complete you?" Jade eyes, serious now, yet still hazed with lust. Or maybe love.

"Sometimes." Ken admitted, wondering why the telepath brought up such a philisophical subject at a time like this. "Not really."

"I did. Often. Until I found you."

*end flashback*

Your kisses were as bittersweet as your lies. Pretty poison.

_//I miss you boy, _

_I really do,// _[Schuldich] 

My own words, slipping from my mouth in unguarded moments should have warned me. Words like 'I love you', words I had never told anyone before.

Or, if I did, I never meant them. Until I told them to you.

*flashback*

"I love you." Schuldich moaned softly. "I love you." His hands reached out to press Ken's body closer to his, as if he wanted them to melt together into one.

Ken looked down on him, an odd expression in his eyes.

"Why?"

*end flashback*

I miss your silly questions. I miss the open, innocent way your eyes looked into the world, never trying to conceal what was behind them : a soul beyond beautiful.

_//Come back to me, _

_Come back to me.// _[Ken] 

I wonder if I should try to replace you, even if I have no idea how. How could I do that? How could they ever erase your image from my mind? You marked me.

You made me into someone different ; someone to match yourself. My innocence paired with your sins, my naivety equaled by your knowledge. You said we were perfect together.

Too much words, too little feeling. I rarely spoke, but when I did I meant every word that passed my lips. You were the talker, and you lied. I believed all of it. I shouldn't have done that.

It's my own fault your departure hurt me so bad. I'm a fool.

I wish you had stayed. I wish you you would come back. You see, I'm the kind of fool that will believe you time and time again. Because I love you and I want to believe you love me too.

_//So my world stops spinning, _

_Nothing I can do,// _[Schuldich]

Should I walk over to you? I know I want to. Yet I don't want to face you now. Or ever.

Leaving you was the biggest mistake I ever made but it also was a good thing. I'm no angel, I'm a sinner. I would be bad for you. I would only drag you down, besmirch your clean soul with my blood-stained hands.

I have no regrets over what I've done to my victims, don't get me wrong. In a way, they deserved their fates as much as your targets did. But somehow there's a difference.

We're not the same. We belong to different worlds. 

I should accept that, turn away now, maybe find someone easy to seduce, as a temporal fix.

I don't want anyone else. I want you, like that first night. I couldn't walk away then, no more than I can do now. You attract me, like a flame does a moth.

Only who of us will get burned?

_//So I pray that a dj _

_Lifts my heart// _[Ken] 

A new song starts, a slow and lazy one. It reminds me of you, but then again, what doesn't? Especially in this place. 

I try to find its rhythm. But I am alone now and this song is one for couples. To dance to together. Romantic and sweet, a song of shattered lies no one should believe.

When I feel hands slipping around my waist, the first thing I think is that I'm reliving a memory. A memory of us, not too long ago. If I open my eyes, surely I will not see you.

The second possibility, that it's someone else who is dancing with me this personally, this familiarly, only occurs to me later, when I'm already leaning into the touch.

Even if I'm not pretty, I may look that way to someone drunk. Or someone in search of an easy seduction. You warned me for people like that.

I should open my eyes. But I want this dream to last. Just a few more moments. Please.

~tbc~


	3. Part 3

Music's no good (without you)

Warnings/notes : Schuldich/Ken, songfic, slight fluff, first pov shifts after each songfragment

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz. the song 'The music's no good without you' belongs to Cher. lyrics slightly altered.

written at 14th april 2003, by Misura. part 3 of 3

**********

__

//The music's no good without you baby, 

The music's no good at all,// [Schuldich]

You let me hold you willingly enough. It feels so right doing this, so wrong at the same time. I want you back, yes. Maybe you want me back too.

Why would you though? I may look nice ; on the inside I'm not half as pretty as you are. Even when we were together I hurt you sometimes, by things I said or did.

I never meant to. I don't want to cause you pain. 

Yet without you, my life has no meaning. Without you, I am lived by others who only know the mask I wear, not the real me. They're not interested in who I am, only in how they can use me, what I can do for them.

It amused me sometimes to play around with them, but it was meaningless. You gave me a taste of what life can be, in all its fullness and sweetness. 

__

//The music's no good without you baby, 

Come back to me.// [Ken] 

I can't believe what my eyes are telling me ; that it is you dancing with me. 

You look sad, pensive, not your usual self. I wonder why you are here. Did you notice me and took pity? Or did you decide to come and play with your kitten some more?

I'm yours. I don't think anything you could do or say to me would change that.

"Kenken." Your voice is soft. It caresses the pieces of my broken heart, soothing the pain. I don't want to be comforted ; I want to remember you. How you left me.

That pain is all I have left of you and I will cherish it, together with the memories of your lies. 

"Leave me alone." I mean for the words to be forceful, to drive you away. But they're not. They sound meek. I don't want you to leave me alone. I want you to stay, even if it's just for one night, one dance. One more memory to keep.

One more lesson to learn.

"No." It's all you say. This too is not like you. Where's the teasing remark on how I can't live without you, how I surely have missed you? Instead of more words, you press me closer.

Your body tells me you want me. My heart tells me you love me. My mind tells me you're a very skilled liar and I shouldn't believe you.

But I'm one of those persons that think with their heart.

__

//The music's no good without you baby, 

The music's no good at all,// [Schuldich]

I barely hear the song, only feel its vibrations in my body. Maybe that's why I dance so well ; I don't try to listen to the music or the text, I just surrender to it.

My moves aren't based on conscious planning, they're merely what the music asks of me.

My mind is left free to dwell on other subjects. Like what I am doing here with you. I can't let go, not at this moment anyway and perhaps I never will.

There's no fighting it, no denying the truth. 

"I have to tell you something."

"What?" You look wary, like you think you're not going to like my next words. Maybe you're right. But love is a selfish emotion. I will do my best to get you back, to make you mine again.

I have no choice. 

__

//The music's no good without you baby, 

The music's just no good // [Ken]

I don't want to hear. Don't want your pity. Haven't you done enough? You spun me so many illusions, why do you have to take this one of mine away from me?

Can't you let me believe for one more minute you care for me?

Can't you give me one more minute of pretending we're still together?

Three months ... didn't that mean anything to you?

I wish you'd just go and seduce me, even if I'd wake up alone next morning. It makes me feel sick to hear me think that, but it's completely true.

You changed me, molded me into someone else. I can't help myself anymore.

I have to kiss you if you're not going to kiss me. 

__

//Come back// [Schuldich]

As I open my mouth to tell you, you press your lips to mine. I nearly fall over with surprise. Even when we were most in love with eachother, you never took the initiative to anything more than cuddling.

You taste like despair, like grief. A bitter taste. I pull back. "No!"

"Why not? Don't you want me anymore?"

How can you ask that? Don't you know ... of course you don't. You can't read people's minds. You can only judge by appearances. Often, that meant you were mistaken.

Too trusting. Not this time though. 

"I love you. I mean it, Ken. If you don't come back to me, ... "

I would have nothing. But maybe you'd have a chance for a much better life. You deserve it.

//Come back to me.// [Ken] 

I can't believe you're saying this to me. And what do you mean 'if I don't come back'? You left me, not the other way around. I never wanted you to leave.

"Will you stay this time?" I have to know.

Even if you may lie to me again, starting the cycle all over.

You nod. Not a word ; is that a sign of truth or an indication you're deceiving me? I don't care right now. I live for today, at least for the moment.

"Why?"

The hint of a smile on your lips, a glimpse of you the way I knew you.

"Because the music's no good without you."

"Huh?"

You laugh and sweep me of my feet as a new song starts, a quick one this time.

I don't mind, not really. I think I will allow myself to believe in you. Tomorrow's far away after all. Plenty of time for regrets then.

~OWARI~


End file.
